Darkness and Light
Winter, solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, New Year - Darkness and Light
In this part of the world (Vancouver) we have plunged into winter - longer nights, shorter days. The slowing of the natural world often draws us, beckons us, to slow ourselves as well. And yet, many people feel the familiar tug of holidays that bring a mixture of many things - business, obligation or high hopes and expectations, along with opportunities for joy and excitement. Maybe in this season you are experiencing the move into winter bringing up memories as you face the loss of a beloved. Whatever you are holding as we enter these darker colder days, I encourage you to welcome the rhythm of the natural world and take some intentional time to connect with your values - what is important to you.
Whether you struggle with making space for everything/every activity, feel the pressure of finding the perfect gift, or are feeling deeply the loss of a loved one this season - connecting with your values, with what is most important to you, can serve as an anchor to which you can “tie” your schedule, your shopping list, and/or your grief.
Spend some time (5 minutes if you don’t have a lot) thinking about what is most important to you - write it down if you can.
If you want to do this in a more structured way you can:
Find a quiet place
Get your feet settled on the ground and your seat in a chair
With your eyes open or closed - take 3 deep breaths into your belly
Then ask yourself, “What is important to me in/about this season?”
Write down 2-4 things that come up for you.
Set these as your intentions for the coming weeks.
As things (activities, events, gifts) present themself to you - hold them up to the intentions you set and see if they align. Consider a “no” or a “yes” accordingly. Aim to keep in alignment with your intentions as much as possible and take time to savor (notice and focus for a few moments) the connection with your values - friends/family/nature/yourself.
If you are having trouble identifying values there are a number of lists online. This is one from Brené Brown - it is not intended for this activity but is a beneficial springboard if you feel stuck.
Consider opportunities you may not have participated in before:
A solstice celebration
Midnight mass
Candle-light singing vigil
Donating time, money, or gifts to a cause that is important to you or a person you love/have loved.
Of course, most of us also have obligations we’d rather avoid but can’t. When this is the case, stay flexible AND connected to your anchor. See if you can bring your values with you to a space that may be less than fully aligned.
May your anchor be a gift to you in this season.
Warmly, ~Heidi Gray, RCC/LMFT
